These are the INTERNATIONAL rules. I’d be curious to know what the American rules would be.
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re
sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and
only when it’s free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
15: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that’s just greedy
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about
his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
20: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while he is lifting
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
21: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e . Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
22: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
23: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
24: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?”
with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of
25: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics.