Stay with me on this, it gets complicated.
When sending out Save the Dates to my list of 277 upscale bridal boutiques around the country on
the printer runs out of black ink. There is a snow storm out & Kevin isn’t home. Which means if I want black ink to print the address labels, I have to take all 3 kids out into a snow storm. In my car who’s tire needs air in it every 3 days. Today is the 3rd day. So I decide to print all the labels in blue. It still takes me 3 hours to stuff & label 277 envelopes. At which time I realize I ordered 800 cards. Why? I can’t remember.
On the recommendation of my graphic designer, I decide to use a local printer for the invitations to save on postage. I decide to use a printer that my photographer knows in Lakewood & have them print up the comp & overnight it on
When it arrives at my UPS store (where I have a p.o. box) on
(I know. overnight? From Denver to Colorado Springs. Takes 2 days?) the UPS people don’t fill out a slip for the package to put in my box letting me know I have a package. So when I go in there on
they say that it hasn’t arrived yet. So I have the printer look up the tracking number & confirm that it did arrive on
When I tell this to the UPS people on
they look around & say “oh, look, it’s right here.” So on
I approve the comp & order the invites. Except there’s a problem w/ my credit card. The credit card company won’t raise my credit limit, even though I charge & pay off 4 times the credit limit every month. Also? I can only make 4 payments per month, none being within 5 business days of each other, & once a payment is made it takes 3 to4 days to post. You do the math. So I spend, I swear, at least 1/2 hour every day doing math trying to figure out what I can charge when & what has to wait and exactly what date it has to wait until. So I have to pay off the credit card balance on
and wait until
to pay for the invites. The wonderful people at Raven Printing print & stuff the envelopes and have them ready by 2 pm on
And, btw, Lakewood is 1 hour & 20 minutes from my house. Didn’t think that one through. Arrive at the kids school for 3:20 pick up precisely at 3:21. Here’s where it starts to get fun. On
when I start to get ready to send out the 277 boutique invites, I begin by printing out the labels. On Avery 5660. Which I will never use again. And neither should you. Ever. The labels come out of the printer with the ink just laying on the surface, smearing everywhere. It takes me an hour and 1/2 and an entire box of labels to figure out that I can lay them out around the house & let them dry for 20 minutes & they won’t smear.
Then I realize that I didn’t have the printer put stamps on the RSVPs. So I have to unstuff them, put stamps on the little cards, restuff them & put the stamps & labels on the outside. Which takes 2 more hours. Then I try to moisten the envelope flap to close them, but they won’t close & when laid in a stack, smear the ink on the label underneath them. So I have to re-print & re-label about 20 addresses. Remember the laying out & drying thing. And decide to just put the little clear stickers on the back. Which means I have to take all 3 kids to Office Max and then the post office. Luckily it was Valentines Day & we stopped by Hallmark first to get their new Webkinz. Webkinz are like crack in our house. Even I have one. A very uncoordinated bat. Named Fangette.
So the kids & I put stickers on about 260 envelopes in the post office. Whew. Done. Right? You would think. But on
I go to pick up my mail & there are TWENTYFIVE invites returned b/c the post office machine tore the address labels off of them. And there’s no way to tell which 25 of the 277 they are. So on
when I get around to sending out the remaining invitations to Colorado Wedding planners I decide to hand write them with a calligraphy pen. Sitting in a chair in my living room. With my laptop open next to me to read off the addresses compiled by Margo, my sales director. Who is a goddess. My calligraphy pen starts to dry up, so I open a 2nd one. Which spews ink all over my lap full of invites, the carpet, and my LAPTOP COMPUTER.
I love you. I really do. And I want you to come to my launch party. But really, can I just call you on the phone & invite you?